Le paradis n'est pas artificiel …

October 01, 2004

Words of Advice

A little project bobbing around in the gutterpool of my psyche these days is a compilation of Sound Advice, half divided between tongue-in-cheek advice, and advice in earnest — sort of like Burroughs' Words of Advice for Young People.

Leave advice of your own, and I'll add it to the eventual data-bank. I'll begin with my favourite bits from Burroughs' monologue:

     Never interfere in a boy and girl fight.

     If, after having been exposed to someone's presence, you feel
     as though you've lost a quart of plasma, avoid that presence.


Posted by delire at October 1, 2004 02:38 PM
Comments

Walk early and far.

(Or, bike early and far.)

Posted by: Maureen at October 3, 2004 04:43 PM

When you get old — who gives a shit?

-my Dad

Posted by: Maureen at October 4, 2004 10:00 PM

"No cagues donde comes."

-Traditional spanish saying; translates to: don't shit where you eat.

Posted by: Nikete at October 6, 2004 09:53 PM

Uncertainty — get used to it.

-Cynsa Bonorris (Lemon JuJu)

Posted by: Maureen at October 19, 2004 03:38 PM

this one is a bit long for the form, but has been on my mind much of late:

"Folly is a more dangerous enemy to the good than evil. One can protest against evil; it can be unmasked and, if need be, prevented by force. Evil always carries the seeds of its own destruction... Against folly we have no such defense. Neither protests nor force can touch it; reasoning is no use... So the fool, as distinct from the scoundrel, is completely self-satisfied; in fact, he can easily become dangerous, as it does not take much to make him aggressive. A fool must therefore be treated more cautiously than a scoundrel." -Dietrich Bonhöffer, theologian (1906-1945)

Posted by: kellan at October 19, 2004 05:05 PM

Let furiously sleeping colorless green ideas lie.

Posted by: kellan at October 19, 2004 05:09 PM

William S. Burroughs is a good start. From http://www.bunker306.com/burroughs/burroughs.shtml

People often ask me if I have any words of advice for young people.
Well here are a few simple admonitions for young and old.
Never intefere in a boy-and-girl fight.
Beware of whores who say they don't want money.
The hell they don't.
What they mean is they want more money. Much more.
If you're doing business with a religious son-of-a-bitch,
Get it in writing.
His word isn't worth shit.
Not with the good lord telling him how to fuck you on the deal.

Avoid fuck-ups.
We all know the type.
Anything they have anything to do with,
No matter how good it sounds,
Turns into a disaster.
Do not offer sympathy to the mentally ill.
Tell them firmly:
I am not paid to listen to this drivel.
You are a terminal boob.

Now some of you may encounter the Devil's Bargain,
If you get that far.
Any old soul is worth saving,
At least to a priest,
But not every soul is worth buying.
So you can take the offer as a compliment.
He tries the easy ones first.
You know like money,
All the money there is.
But who wants to be the richest guy in some cemetary?
Money won't buy.
Not much left to spend it on, eh gramps?
Getting too old to cut the mustard.

Well time hits the hardest blows.
Especially below the belt.
How's a young body grab you?
Like three card monte, like pea under the shell,
Now you see it, now you don't.
Haven't you forgotten something, gramps?
In order to feel something,
You've got to be there.
You have to be eighteen.
You're not eighteen.
You are seventy-eight.
Old fool sold his soul for a strap-on.

Well they always try the easiest ones first.
How about an honorable bargain?
You always wanted to be a doctor,
Well now's your chance.
Why don't you become a great healer
And benefit humanity?
What's wrong with that?
Just about everything.
Just about everything.
There are no honorable bargains
Involving exchange
Of qualitative merchandise
Like souls
For quantitative merchandise
Like time and money.
So piss off Satan
And don't take me for dumber than I look.

An old junk pusher told me -
Watch whose money you pick up.

Posted by: m0nkyman at October 19, 2004 10:06 PM

Kellan, I agree with your second piece, for as Bush said in the second debate:

"We've got battling green eye shades."

Yup. Better just let that lie.

Posted by: Maureen at October 20, 2004 11:11 AM

The best "self-defense means" when you are surrounded by a hundred million people of some other culture is to avoid dangerous places and figure out some way to get along with the folks around you. - Neal Stephenson, from the Slashdot Interview.

Now, he means it in the foreign-country sense, but I think it applies very nicely to our neck of the woods, too. Especially that chunk of ground South of 49 deg. N. latitude, and North of 32 deg. N. latitude.

Posted by: blaine at October 20, 2004 11:29 AM

2 things.

"Family is absolute."

It's true.

"Cut your losses."

My own special, painful contradictory advice.

Posted by: Jim Evans (yes, that Jim Evans) at November 4, 2004 10:57 PM

Remember every gift received and forget every gift given.

Posted by: mardel at November 8, 2004 08:06 PM

As Kenny Rogers so wisely sang

"You gotta know when to hold 'em,
Know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away,
Know when to run"

Or, the old adage

"Never look a gift horse in the mouth."

Or, from the series Kung Fu

"Patience, Grasshopper."

This last one applies to so much in life, especially now that we're living in an age of instant gratification. The internet has been a boon, and a curse to all of us.

Example: there's this kid I'm working with. I call him a kid, because to me his being 20 still qualifies for the title.

He has ordered some stuff from a website that offers drum parts. This business is probably close to a one man operation.

In the process of ordering these things, he's emailed the person running this internet based business dozens of times, growing ever more impatient that the person running said business doesn't respond to his emails within minutes.

Why, sometimes he even takes an hour!

To add to this, he wants everything overnighted to him, even if the service isn't offered.

I believe it's a symptom of the growing sickness that is instant gratification. He's ordered stuff online from big companies before, like Amazon.com or many others, and had his stuff delivered very quickly, and now expects that same degree of service from everyone, everywhere.

He, and many others, need to learn the fine art of patience. Whatever it is in life, given time, it will come. The letter in the mail, justice, peace...whatever it is, one just has to have patience.

Like the patience you've shown me in reading this long, rambling post.

G'night from Cowtown, y'all.

Jim

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