October 19, 2004
the Flow of Concentration (attempting to focus in a darkened café)
This is a free-writing exercise, not a grad-school study proposal. This is just to prime the pump, so to speak; this is to make myself clear before I attempt to make myself clear.
So I've chosen the theme of conceptual intersections for my essay. Nifty, but challenging — like everything I'm into, I guess. I have a problem with that.
Drat. This is supposed to be creative visualization, not auto-psychoanalysis. Then again, it's no wonder I'm feeling severe; I should simply be writing in this darkened café (yes, I know they did that on purpose, the dark thing; it is still a darkened café, nonetheless), not dribbling onto the keyboard about my ambition.
That diseased prosperity, that noble rot — ambition. Got ambition? Don't do life without it...
Jesus Christ. I should go somewhere less gloomy. But with the upstairs lady blasting Orthodox Christian Hymnal Duets and vacuuming all day, I have been forced to work in exile on Davie Street; it's quarter to eight, and candle light is standard in these parts.
So focus I must, on my intersections. I have broken these down into three categories, from micro to macro: intersections within each of self, society, history. These items, and the way I and other people live in them, are what I purport to write and think about.
I must then express some keen interest in studying the interplay of these three levels, and speak of the infinite potential of this arena of study, the eternal fountain of poems being conflict. Yeah, that's good; I can use that —
Conflict is the eternal fountain of poems.
These kinds of activities require lots of benign maxims restated so as to seem profound, don't they? Like really beautiful butter knives: dull but valuable. Oh god, the very reasons why I should be writing in bleary Belfast will nearly be the reasons I don't manage to go: I possess an inextinguishable combination of cynicism and hope. But I will go to Belfast, or somewhere else equally as serious, due to that ambition thing again, ha ha ha.
Ahem... So, those three intersections... intersect, and they're all whizzing around in their hierarchical orbits. Change, facility, fluidity being the assets admired in this section of the essay. The constancy of change. The desire to continue learning about that change. I've got lots of that, the desire to learn, and I actually do at the moment, you know. You've got to, when your brain is like a sieve.
No, think positive... a waterfall. My brain is like a freakin' waterfall.
Posted by delire at October 19, 2004 08:02 PM